不了解我的人,说我沉默,
了解我的人,说我能“侃“,
十分了解我的人,说我太沉默.
我说,我时而沉默时而能“侃“.
我不想说话的时候,
每个字从我嘴里吐出都是那么的艰难,
想说话的时候,
想收都收不住.
不想说话的时候,
是我感觉没必要说.
想说话的时候,
是因为我觉得这世界太无聊,想用说话来平淡寂寞.

全文在這裡

This is from the Toronto Star:

Sri Lanka: Troops accused of firing on villagers

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Sri Lankan troops in boats and helicopters battled Tamil rebels yesterday, and witnesses accused government forces of opening fire in a fishing village, killing five people — one inside a church — and wounding dozens. The surging violence heightened fears the island nation was moving toward a return to all-out civil war. The past several days have seen the worst violence since a 2002 ceasefire between the government and the Tamil Tigers, who control much of Sri Lanka’s north and east. Yesterday’s bloodshed started when rebels attacked a navy base in the northwestern fishing village of Pesalai, triggering battles that forced about 200 ethnic Tamils to seek refuge in a Roman Catholic church. Several witnesses said Sri Lankan forces fired indiscriminately in the church and around the village. The military denied targeting civilians and blamed the rebels.

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Afghanistan: Coalition forces kill 45 insurgents

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Afghan and coalition troops pushed ahead with their largest offensive since 2001, killing about 45 suspected insurgents during attacks on Taliban camps in southern Afghanistan, military officials said yesterday. About 85 suspected militants have died this past week as some 10,000 U.S.-led troops spread out over four southern provinces as part of Operation Mountain Thrust, a counter-insurgency blitz aimed at quelling a Taliban resurgence.

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Slovakia: Leftist party headed to election victory

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A leftist party that tapped public discontent over eight years of economic austerity won yesterday’s elections in Slovakia, an exit poll indicated, throwing into doubt the Central European country’s quest to adopt the euro currency in 2009. Projected support for Robert Fico’s opposition Smer-Socialist Democratic party was not decisive enough to give it a majority. But it was a rebuke to the conservative government of Prime Minister Mikulas Dzurinda, whose belt-tightening brought the country into the European Union, yet slashed health care and social benefits.

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All this history is happening. Yet my life is small, is just this–going to restaurants, spending time with friends, petting a cat sitting in my lap, blogging, watching films. I can’t say that there is anything inherently wrong with this life, and I don’t suppose that i want to live the life of those described in these news events — and yet between these two extremes there must be something else and something better. I see people doing their thing here –being restaurant columnists and what not–and they get kudos for that kind of thing here. People enjoy their lifestyles in Shanghai –they enjoy being able to go to pool parties and seeing some booty being shaken on the dance floor while they sip their champagnes from the flutes with one hand and flick their zhongnanhai cigarettes with the other. I’m not sure what’s become of me, and if i’ve somehow lost what i was or what i should be, but i know that there is something not right about what I am here. And i think that most everyone else thinks there is no discrepancy between who they are and what they aspire to be–or rather, what they aspire to be is just a bigger, better, richer version of what they are now. Really, that shouldn’t surprise or dismay me (or anyone else) since what i am asking of me, implicitly, is that i live like a philosopher or an artist, that is, an inquest into the soul and the human condition as what is important. Somehow i think that if i brought my mind into the right place I could just join the ranks of the happy and successful here but in the back of my mind, or rather in the forefront of my mind, unbeknownst to the people around me, would be nagging doubts about if i had completely lost my soul, and if I had completely forgone the necessity of bettering myself in that way. I would lose respect for myself that way–and i don’t think that the money would be the magical balm that everyone thinks it is in that case.